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When tourists enter Washington D.C. on Interstate 295, they should be forgiven for thinking that the stench they smell is the federal government at work. It's actually the smell of the D.C. sewage treatment plant, which for obvious reasons has been located as close to the border with Maryland as possible. However, the stench is an accurate reflection of President Clinton's recent order to place D.C.'s new "taxation without representation" license plates on the presidential limosines. The District of Columbia local government is issuing the new license plates out of frustration for not being represented in Congress. However, Clinton's order to put the new plates on the cars in the last month of his term will put President-elect George W. Bush in a dilemma. Bush is on record as opposing D.C. statehood, but if he orders the plates removed, he risks insulting D.C. voters. At TruthNews, we have no such compunction, so the insults will herewith begin.

To the American population, making an issue of D.C. congressional representation might appear ludicrous. After all these people already run the country, and they want more power? However, the issue is not quite so simple. Only 16 percent of the population of the Washington metropolitan area live within the borders of the District. Most of the government bureaucrats live in suburban Virginia and Maryland, although a few live in upscale Georgetown, which is now part of Washington, D.C. Other than the federal government, much of the rest of D.C. has developed over the years into a typical urban inner city, with gangs, dope, and murders common.

The seeds of the congressional representation controversy were planted when Congress created the District of Columbia in 1792. The U.S. Constitution calls for Congress to have "exercise exclusive Legislation" within a federal capital district consisting of not more than 100 square miles. The right of "exclusive legislation" also applies to military bases and other federal buildings. The requirement for exclusive jurisdiction became apparent in 1783 when Congress, then meeting in Philadelphia, faced angry veterans of the American Revolution who demanded back pay. When Pennsylvania authorities failed to intervene to protect the Congress, many members insisted that any permanent seat of government should be under congressional control.

Both Maryland and Virginia donated land for the federal district, but the Virginia portion was returned in 1848 and became Arlington County. At the time, Congress thought the Virginia part would not be required, but this was somewhat short-sighted as Arlington County is now home to such federal government edifices as the Pentagon, Arlington National Cemetery, Reagan National Airport, and the CIA. D.C. residents continued to vote in Virginia and Maryland congressional elections until about 1850, when they lost the right to vote for reasons that are unclear. During the 1970s, a statehood proposal was submitted in Congress in which the district boundaries would be redrawn to encompass little more than the seats of the three branches of the federal government and the Mall with its museums and monuments. The remainder of the District would become the state of "New Columbia," with congressional representation appropriate for its size--2 senators and one congressman. This proposal, which would require a constitutional amendment, was never approved by Congress. Over the years since, there have been acts of civil disobedience and sit-ins in vain attempts to persuade the Congress to provide statehood. Finally, the District Council, with the approval of Mayor Anthony Williams, approved the "taxation without representation" license plate this year to thumb their noses at Congress.

We sympathize with the plight of the Washington voters. After all, not only do they not have representation in Congress, but they live in a "wretched hive of scum and villainy" (we're speaking of the lobbyists and politicians, not the pimps and dope pushers, although sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference). However, we don't believe that statehood for the District is the right answer. Here's why:

• Washington has neither the size nor characteristics of a state. Rhode Island, the current smallest state in terms of area, is 18 times larger than D.C. Only one state, Wyoming, is smaller in terms of population. Washington has no industry other than the federal government and the local newspaper (the Washington Native American football team moved to suburban Maryland in 1997). Everyone either works for the federal government, lobbies the federal government, flips hamburgers for people who work for the federal government, or draws welfare from the federal government.
• With nearly a third of its local budget supplied by Congress, Washington is completely dependent upon federal funding to meet its local budget requirements. Washington has less than 20 percent of the population of the metro area, but 80 percent of the area's poor live in D.C., so the local government has a small tax base but large outlays for welfare. As a result, the D.C. government will continue to rely heavily upon federal aid and cannot function as a self governing entity.
• Washington's experience with self-government has not been entirely happy, due primarily to its lack of tax base and the fact that the federal government is always available to bail the city goverment out of whatever problems they get themselves into. In 1802 Congress authorized an appointed mayor and an elected city council for Washington. In 1820 it made the office of mayor subject to popular election. However, in 1874, profligate spending by the local government led Congress to eliminate popular election in Washington, to be replaced by a three-person commission appointed by the president. In 1973, Congress again authorized the popular election of a mayor and city council for Washington. Washington's second mayor under this new arrangement, Marion Barry, was convicted of cocaine possession in 1990 and went to prison for six months. When he was released, the voters returned him to the mayor's office. However, Barry ran up a budget deficit of more than $700 million in 1995, leading Congress to once again take control of the city government.

Although the District of Columbia does not vote in Congressional elections, it is not without representation in the federal government. In 1961, the 23rd amendment to the Constitution gave D.C. three votes in the Electoral College for presidential elections. This gives D.C. a ratio of 1 electoral vote to every 200,000 voters. In large states like California and New York, the ratio is 1 electoral vote to every 600,000 voters, so each D.C. resident in effect gets three times the votes for president as someone living in California. With this electoral college leverage and the large federal subsidy that D.C. receives, the license plate slogan would be more accurate if it read "representation without taxation."

Of course, there's no reason for the District to forego Congressional representation. The solution is simply to abolish D.C. citizenship, make Washington residents citizens of Maryland, and let them vote in Maryland congressional elections. The federal government would continue to exercise "exclusive legislation" in the federal district, just as it does in parts of Virginia that were formerly part of the federal district (the Pentagon, Arlington National Cemetery, National Airport, and the CIA). However, this isn't enough for Washington residents. While Maryland would pick up an additional congressional district as a result of the increase in population, Washington residents also want the two additional senators that they would get if they became a state. This would, of course, tip control of the Senate to the Democrats, which is what the battle is really all about (D.C. has always voted for the Democratic candidate in presidential elections, and the District Council is overwhelmingly controlled by Democrats). Of course, if D.C. got away with this, Texas might exercise its right to split itself into five states and gain eight more senators as a result (this was a right granted by Congress when Texas, previously an independent nation, joined the union in 1848).

We have some advice for the District Council: If you want to persuade someone of the righteousness of your cause, don't poke them in the eye. As it is, Washington appears to be a bunch of ingrates at the public trough. If Washington does become the 51st state, we suggest that the capitol be moved to Rapid City, South Dakota. In addition to having a large, ready-made monument (Mount Rushmore), only those truly dedicated to serving their country would want to run for Congress. The state of New Columbia could then live on its own devices without federal intervention or largess. We predict that the population will decrease to approximately zero in less than ten years.